Note: The below story includes discussion of childhood sexual abuse and may be triggering to some.
By Sheila Phibbs
The Haldimand Press
CAYUGA—On February 13, 2020, Dylan Bassi chose to do what many would find unimaginable. He appeared at the Superior Court of Justice in Cayuga to give a victim impact statement at the sentencing hearing of his cousin, Nathan Knox. It was a case involving child sexual assault, charges to which Knox pled guilty in November 2019.
Speaking out in court was a step on the path to healing that began for Bassi in the summer of 2018. He was working in Vancouver when he revealed via text to his mother, Linda Carter, that he was a survivor of childhood sexual assault. Plans were made to return home and talk to police and he gave his statement to a detective at the Haldimand OPP detachment in Cayuga on September 4, 2018.
Bassi’s decision to tell his story was in the hopes that it might help prevent it from happening to someone else. He says that hearing other people talk about their experiences helped him and he acknowledges, “You can’t just bottle stuff up inside. I did for a long time, but it just doesn’t work.”
Bassi kept it bottled inside for more than a decade as the abuse began when he was 10 and continued until he was 14. His abuser was a much older cousin, in his mid-20s, who had been welcomed to live with the family. Bassi says that Knox was someone he admired and looked up to, “He was pretty much an older brother to me.”
The cousins spent time together watching television shows and movies like South Park and American Pie, which was fun for a 10-year-old. Bassi remembers that it felt good to be treated like an adult and not a child. He recalls, “There was always a crude-ish sense of humour about him. It seemed harmless at the time. I didn’t realize it was wrong to be talked to like that.”
What Bassi realizes as an adult is that he was being “groomed” during the months that Knox lived in the family home. Psychology Today explains grooming as the process by some child molesters to manipulate the victim, and the surrounding family and community, in preparation of committing sexual assault to make their actions appear “innocent”.
Positive association allowed the inappropriate behaviour to progress from crude jokes and movies to watching pornography. Bassi explains, “There is such a positive rapport built up that you don’t listen to the inner voice that says there is something wrong.”
After about eight months, Knox moved into an apartment above the store owned by Bassi’s parents. Bassi would regularly “hang out” there, providing the opportunity for the abuse to gradually escalate. Situations were manipulated to create close proximity and the abuse evolved into more touching and physical contact.
Even as it continued, Bassi knows that he was aware of what sexual abuse was, but says, “I slipped into this situation. I had a lot of shame and guilt when I realized it was happening, but felt it was too late to say something.” He adds, “You don’t really think about it at the time. You tell yourself ‘don’t think about it, don’t think about it.’”
Another young cousin who also spent time at the apartment came forward as a victim following Bassi’s disclosure. At the time of the abuse, however, Bassi wasn’t aware of it happening to anyone else. He speculates, “If I had seen it happen to him, I think I would have said something. You accept your own suffering, but not someone else’s.”
Underlying that awareness are feelings of culpability and wondering what would have happened if he had tried to stop it. Bassi says that feeling worsened, “especially as the offense got more egregious.” He describes that state of mental health as his mind becoming a prison and sadly admits that by the end of the four years, “I had basically come to expect it. It was a hell I had to live. It felt like purgatory; the experience I had to suffer because this was my life.”
The abuse ended by the time Bassi entered high school, but the effects have been long lasting, including insomnia, nightmares, flashbacks, low appetite, and anxiety. In his candid victim impact statement, he admitted to turning to “self-destructive tendencies” to cope with the trauma. He spoke of being hospitalized in a psychiatric ward following several “unnoticed” suicide attempts. Bassi was eventually medicated for depression and diagnosed with PTSD.
While pursuing post-secondary studies, his education was impacted as attending classes and studying were exceptionally difficult. He admits that he chose a program based on what came easy, rather than what interests or excites him. Bassi graduated in the summer of 2019 with a degree in Honours Chemical Physics from the University of Waterloo.
Perhaps one of the most challenging consequences has been the strain on relationships with friends and family. Bassi admits, “I still feel like there is no one that I fully trust.”
Family gatherings can be especially triggering causing him to distance himself from loved ones. Despite that isolation, Bassi has been well supported by so many of family and friends.
His mom, Linda Carter, says, “I was devastated for my son. It has been tough on our whole family. Watching our son … have to relive the trauma of his abuse and the stress of the court case has been difficult for all of us.”
But Carter is proud of her son for his willingness to come forward and tell his story in an attempt to spare future victims. She says that other survivors of abuse have expressed their thanks to Bassi, telling him how much it meant that he did this. She says, “So many survivors have never come forward for many reasons. It isn’t an easy thing to do, especially if you lack the family support. It was heartwarming and a little overwhelming.”
Bassi plans to further his education but is currently taking the time to deal with what he describes as a draining experience. He appreciates the support of his family as well as the police.
He says, “I felt from the start that the police believed me. I was aware of the statistics; a lot of cases don’t get pursued due to lack of evidence. That’s what makes coming forward as a victim so hard.”
But Bassi is painfully aware that if people don’t know about cases like his, it may happen again to other children. He asserts, “That’s why I want to share my story; public safety is a key motivation.”
He has found that it has also been healing to talk about it. It is his hope that others may also achieve that healing, “If one person reads this and talks to a friend to get help, that makes a big difference.”
